I'll admit the human brain is not a clever beast, or perhaps too clever, but certainly not easy to train either way. I always laughed at people who struggle to lose weight, but I understand very clearly now. Take last night for example. I've had 3 meals for the day, big enough to keep a hungry family going for a week. I want to diet properly and not fall into bad habits, yet I have a hunger to have something bad. It's not a hunger based on any real need for food, it's a "fill this void" hunger. For me it can be alcohol, snack food, anything really. Actually you can fill a void by hanging with your family, excercize, reading, internet, games, TV, work, etc. But sometimes you feel a specific hole filling need. No work or excercize is fitting this hole, just some cheese and crackers, or another drink.
Last night I allowed myself 2 red wines, and I'm flowing through them quite nicely. Even before the 2nd has finished, that specific hole is looming "I'd like a 3rd drink." One of the problems is I'm not even that worried about how a 3rd or 4th drink will affect my health, and possibly not even my diet. So there seems little reason not to when I'm enjoying the end of that 2nd drink. The only reason really standing in the way is I want control over this. To feel better about myself tomorrow, I need control over these little things. In fact, by the time I've poured that 3rd drink, my guilt has already soured the drink, and guilt lingers all night long as I get tipsier. Tomorrow morning I feel bad about not having the control. It's safe to say the negatives outweigh the positives. And it's even very questionable what positives exist anyway, in the cold light of day.
I had a good diet day yesterday, and had my 2 drinks after the kids were down. I was working on my computer, and had a little frustration in something I was trying to do. That 2nd drink is near finished, my work is shitting me anyway, wouldn't it be nice to kick back to some music/TV/game with a couple more glasses. I don't know exactly what happened, but I didn't do that. Instead I drank a decent swig of water, and went back to work. I'll admit to mixed feelings after doing this for at least 30 minutes, then I had a good run of work, I managed to put those feelings aside and get through to bed time without issues. I made it! Perfect diet day again, exactly as planned. I felt great going to bed. No guilt. I feel great waking up this morning, looking back and saying I did good. It will be interesting to be looking back a week from now and see if I can be guilt free about an entire week, or if the rails fall off again around weekend. Saturday is cheat day anyway, so that helps a lot, but Friday night and Sunday night especially are difficult days for me around alcohol.
To top off that good feeling today, I hit notch 2 on my old belt today. To go back, I tried using this belt a few weeks ago and couldn't easily reach notch 1. After a week of the diet, I needed a belt more than ever for my now slightly loose jeans, and found I could now reach notch 1. Today I was feeling a little slimmer, and what do you know, notch 2 is comfortable. But the more I do this, the more I see real goals. I want to see a bit more definition around the gut. I'm technically not far off being considered slim, but now I want to see some sugar for all this. That nice bulge at the bottom of the gut has to go. I have no problem taking my shirt off at beaches, but it would be nice to take it off and actually look good too. Have some self pride. I don't think this will come too soon, so it's a longer goal, but would be an amazing one to hit.
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